Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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