She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
