Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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