Non-Jews are for practice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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