he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
