considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
