We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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