My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
