He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
