I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
