Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And then he peed in my hair
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
