break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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