like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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