alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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