am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
