I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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