Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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