Sorry, I don't speak sober.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
