I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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