Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you would pick up someone in the library
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
