Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
