when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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