tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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