The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
