Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
