just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
