Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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