R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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