I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
