You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
