im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
