life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
