i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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