and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
