I got chris browned last night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
