I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
