how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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