I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
