i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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