Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
