I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
