The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
