where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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