You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
