I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
