just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
