Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
