look no pants
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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