Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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