I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
