So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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