I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize