just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
foreskin is a definite game changer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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