I'm laying in your front yard are you home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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