i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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