is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
