Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
