Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
