afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize