her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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