There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
