Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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