I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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