carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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