hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
