I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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