Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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