I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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