Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
