i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard