it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.