my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.